This post is seriously late.

May two-four, also known as Victoria Day, is all about the drinking of toofers and the lighting of firecrackers.  Or Queen Victoria’s birthday.  One of those.  It was almost a month ago, but I’m going to show you pictures anyway.

The Anti-Zanet, Cha-Cha and I went to the beaches for the festivities, which is what all good Torontonians do if they haven’t a cottage.

(they were gazing rapturously at this:)

I played with rocks, because I’m incapable of sitting still for any length of time greater than a millisecond.

And then the killer robot attack began.

They shot layzors out their eyes like *pew pew* and it made pretty fireworks.

I’m not a baker.

Sure, my mom taught me all the requisite skills.  I can make a light and flaky pie crust, cookies that are chewy on the inside and crispy on the edges, and meringues that defy gravity.

But I don’t.

Today I was reminded of precisely why I avoid the kitchen at all cost.

Today I made cupcakes.

Doesn’t sound so bad, right?  Cupcakes are easy.  Throw the ingredients in the bowl, mix it up, pour into cups, toss ‘em in the over for half an hour and then whip up some buttercream icing while they cool.  No biggie.

Yeah, right.

I began with the devil’s food cupcakes. Simple, straightforward, delicious. While they were cooling, I stepped it up a notch and got into the angel food cupcakes.  These of course require a full dozen egg whites, whipped into a frenzy and then gently folded together with flour and sugar. Oh look, here they are.

Next I went for the lemon cupcakes.  Yes, I zested and juiced the organic lemons by hand.  Of course I did.  I did not stop at putting lemon zest and juice in the batter, though.  Oh no.  I poked holes in the cupcakes and spooned lemon syrup (made on the stovetop) over the tops before icing them.  Are you beginning to see the problem?  I have some kind of baking OCD.

All the cupcakes got a layer of buttercream icing, of course.

And that’s when things left the path of sanity and headed straight over the cliffs of WTF am I doing.

Thankfully my lovely assistant arrived about then and helped with the “fun” parts.  Yes, I made marshmallow fondant.  Yes, it hurt. It’s like trying to stir concrete. Unpossible. But oh, it makes beautiful decorations!  I also used marzipan, which I split into two batches, one darkened with cocoa powder and one au natural.

The devil’s food cupcakes got marzipan monkeys

The angel food cupcakes were topped with marshmallow fondant hippos

And the lemon cupcakes got the marshmallow fondant lion toppers

Family photo!

Nine hours and 36 cupcakes later, I feel like I got hit by a truck, and I haven’t even taste-tested yet.

I hope you’re happy, mom!

Yay

Let’s start with the silly.

…move right into the boring-but-useful

…and finally finish up with the sublime.

A gift for a young man who will be entering the world in a few months: